Feed: Overheard in New York - AggScore: 64.6

Old white man, with beard and metrosexual outfit: How was that party? Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: Shit, there was this really gross dude. He was so gross and so horny!Old white man: Was he hitting on you?Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: No. He was was hitting on every girl at that house party. He went up to each of my friends. Oh, he's so gross. They were each telling him to get away.Old white man: He was probably the only straight guy invited to the party, then.Obnoxiously loud Indian girl: He was so gross, he started talking to my friend. Later I walk in the bathroom, and she is fucking him!--Union SquareOverheard by: H Ramachandran (rolling my eyes)

Girl to cop giving her a ticket after finding beers inside her brown bag: You need a warrant for that!Cop: No, I don't.Girl: You can't just look in there without, umm, probable cause!Cop: Yes, I can.Girl: You need to get a warrant first!--Nassau Ave & Lorimer St, GreenpointOverheard by: David L.

Black guy with bags, bumping into Hispanic woman: Don't gimme that look, not my fault, not my fuckin' fault! (Hispanic woman just glares) Look at me again and I'll fuck you in the ass!--53rd St & 5th Ave

Trinidadian hobo: Step into the car and please don't block the doors. There's another train directly behind this one. Biiing-bonnng! That's from the old cars. This is how they do it now: "Dingdong!" (recorded "if you see something, say something" message plays; hobo recites the message along with it, mimicking perfectly.) "Tell a police officer or an MTA employee." Or tell me, because it might be a bag o' money. Or weed. But if it's only a nickel bag of weed, just turn it in to a policeman. If it's a 500-pound bag, give it to me! I need that haze! Now, here's a picture of my wife. Two years ago, on Easter Sunday, my wife passed away of a massive heart attack. I want you all to know about this because I want you all to know I'm still single. The ladies, that is, not the men. I'm not gay. I have gay friends, but I'm not gay. I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian because I love what they eat!--4 TrainOverheard by: Aloof Loner

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds... I guess that's a pretty good super power too.Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I'd used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you'd just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we're already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)--6 TrainOverheard by: Lynne

Female driver to chubby crossing pedestrian: You gonna die, honkey!--City Island AveOverheard by: Sam

Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver to woman with pizza: Lemme...uh...have that pizza. (woman smiles awkwardly, thinking it's a joke) I wasn't kidding. Lemme have that pizza. (woman holding a bag of cookies gets on bus with child)Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver: Oh, lemme just...uh uh...have one of these...uh uh...cookies. (takes cookie)Small Asian woman (taken aback and extremely confused): What? You can't take these. (bus driver stuffs cookie in mouth and ignores woman)(later)Bus driver, on PA: Lady, these are some good cookies.--Uptown Bus to Met from Port Authority

Girl, telling joke: A seven-year-old daughter said to her mother: "Today in school I learned where babies come from."Mother: Oh, really?Daughter: Yea, a mommy and daddy take off all their clothes, the mommy makes the dad happy and his thingy stands up a little. Then the mommy puts the thingy in her mouth and the thingy stands up all the way and explodes, and that's where babies come from.Mother: No, honey, that's where jewelry comes from.(laughs)Guy listening, with horrified face: Wait a second, my mom has a shitload of jewelry. Oh, goddammit, eewwwwwwwwwwwww!Girl: I'm never going to look at your mom the same way ever again.--Arthur AvenueOverheard by: Reza Daneshvar

Drunk hipster guy #1 (screaming): Let's see who can make out with the fattest girl tonight. Whoever makes out with the fattest gets ten dollars from everyone else.Drunk hipster guy #2 (also screaming): Yeah, and if there's a close call, she can judge.Drunk hipster girl: Hey, I want in on this action! That could be 50 bucks.Guy #1: Okay, okay, you can play too. But if it comes down to a close call between us guys you have to decide which girl is fatter.Drunk hipster guy #3: And she can have a good personality.Drunk hipster guy #4: Why are we screaming?Drunk hipster guy #1: Because we're Italian.--LIRROverheard by: revolted

Girl to friend: Hey girl, come over here and let me see your new grillz. (friend comes over and smiles, Flavor Flav style) Daaaamnnnnnnn girl! Where did you get those? They some nice grillz!--Flatbush Ave & Lincoln RdOverheard by: xtina

Hipster teenage girl: Yeah, trust me you'd know if you'd seen me disgruntled.Hipster teenage boy: I haven't?Hipster teenage girl: Nope. Well...talking online, maybe.Hipster teenage boy: Oh, you're always disgruntled online. You always have some huge, massive crisis.Hipster teenage girl: Oh yeah, once I was really pissed off at you. I scream a lot when I'm disgruntled.Hipster teenage boy: At me?Hipster teenage girl: No, just in general. At my room mostly.(long pause)Hipster teenage girl: I'm bored. Let's go to my house and do some lines!--Park Slope

Jersey chick: I mean, what do I do? He is like all over me but wont have sex with me. What do I do?Girl peeing in bathroom stall: I think you should just say, "fuck me or you're gay!" I mean, that's what I would do.Jersey chick: I just don't get it, you know. And seriously, he is the hottest guy I've ever made out with, like hotter than anyone I've ever made out with.Girl peeing in bathroom stall: I mean seriously, just say, "fuck me or you're gay. If you don't fuck me, you are gay." that's what I would do.Jersey girl: But he can't be gay, he's too hot.Girl peeing in bathroom stall: But there are a lot of hot guys who are gay. It's probably because he's so hot.Jersey girl: I just don't know what to do. He like comes up to me and is dancing with me and telling me to come home with him. But like, I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm from Jersey! I live in Jersey, I can't just stay with him, can I?Girl comes out from peeing in bathroom stall: I don't know dude.--Bar, Park Ave & 27th StOverheard by: Shawn

Loud middle aged guy on cell: Hello? What? Where's the meat? It's on the counter. I took it out last night. It was half frozen. Okay. (some time goes by) Hello? Who is this? Kiah? I took it out last night. It's on the counter. No, it's good. It was half frozen. Noooo, it's fine. It's not ruined! It's good. Noooooooooo. It's not ruined! I'll eat it, leave it for me. I'll eat it tonight and all the way to Shabbat, it will be my pleasure, it will be delicious. (some time goes by) I'm getting off the train. I'm coming home. They're mad about the meat. (Now almost on the verge of crying) It's not ruuuined. Noooooooooooo. It's goooood. Why is the meat no good? It's not ruuuined. Noooooooooooooooooooooo.--Q Train

Large man, in t-shirt and shorts, on cell: So I gave my ex-new-girlfriend...Small man: Ex-new-girlfriend?!Large man: Let me finish...I gave her a tour of my apartment, and when she asked why my closet door looked like it was about to come off its hinges I told her I had dead babies in there, as a joke. Apparently, her brother died when he was three months old.--5th & E 78th

Poetry slam emcee: Hi, everyone! Wow, what a great turnout...I think you're all Emma's friends. She's first, but we have a great line-up, so please don't leave. Stay!Emma's friend, sotto voce: Dude, it's a poetry reading, even Emma is leaving unless you give everyone another drink ticket.--Grand Street & Driggs, Brooklyn