Feed: Overheard in New York - AggScore: 57

Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless.Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentleman, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?Conductor: This is a reminder that soliciting is illegal on all New York City subway trains, even if it's for the homeless. This is his fourth trip. Don't do it.Loud ghetto guy: Attention ladies and gentlemen, I'm collecting money for the homeless. Help the homeless? Help the homeless?--Shuttle from Grand Central to Times SquareOverheard by: Alison R.

Teen girl #1: Ewwwwww.Teen girl #2: I know, and it wasn't even vomit!--Union Square

30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.30-something woman #2: What question?30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.30-something woman #1: That's the question!--E Train to QueensOverheard by: butt, of courseHeadline by: Brian CostlowRunners-Up:· "Alex, I'll Take "Things That Will Never Happen" for $100" - The Trayster· "Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions." - KJM· "I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse - Just in Case." - Sodajerk· "I Just Hope He Doesn't Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche." - pieski· "Pooping the Question" - tech98· "Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian" - Trey JacksonClick here to see the new Headline Contest

Nursing student #1: What about backpacks?Nursing student #2: Mmm...Nazis.--Wagner College

Black lady #1: A rash, I got a rash! On my thing--my thing was little, they done made it big! And that shit is traveling, I don't know what the fuck I gonna do.Black lady #2 (watching soap opera on tv): Expelled?Black lady #1: What the fuck is that?Black lady #2: He's expelled, that means he can't come to school no more.--Waiting Room, North General HospitalOverheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Jen: My client is soooo annoying. She won't eat soft cheese cuz she claims it's bad for her baby.Renee: Soft cheese is bad for her baby?Jen: Well, yeah, but if she melts it then it's fine.--39th & 2ndOverheard by: Dorey

Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!--M16 BusOverheard by: nora!Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!(people giggle but still not much room in front)Bus driver: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.--Bus, Central Park WestOverheard by: passengerBus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!--Bx9 BusBus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.--M23 BusBus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.--Crosstown Bus, 57th StOverheard by: FlexyBus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!--Crowded Q 55 BusOverheard by: MattBus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah...--Bus, Flushing

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!--11th St & 6th AveOverheard by: AmandaGay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.--Outside Gristedes, Christopher StOverheard by: McFQueer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"--8th St & 23rd StGay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!--58th & 9thGay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."--57th & 7thGay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!--Amsterdam & 83rd

Older woman, enunciating precisely: I could never understand wanting to have a penis. I know *I* never wanted one.--Hudson StOverheard by: Harriet VaneChick: Don't you feel better knowing your cock is better than fermented squid guts?--Park SlopeOverheard by: Rose FoxGuy to friend: And then it just popped out of the bag--you know, kind of like a penis pops out!--Dunkin DonutsBlond: But baby, the only thing that rhymes with penis is "mm mm good"!--Restaurant, BrooklynOverheard by: what rhymes with vajay?Little boy: (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis! (gibberish gibberish gibberish) Penis!--Downtown N TrainBrunette NYU student: You know when like people in junior high ask you what you'd do if you had a penis for a day? I'd always say "piss in a soap dispenser."--W 3rd b/w 6th & MacDougalOverheard by: Alan

Woman to friend: I have a theory: they just throw the horseshit over the wall.--Central Park SouthOverheard by: marijkeJewish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amazing this chair is. It gives great lumbar support. You will be jealous and then you will poop from jealousy... But you better not poop on my chair.--Bleecker & MercerWoman on cell: Honey, but they were pooping all over the deck and hitting each other with shovels!--West VillageNYU student to mother: You can't really get a good dinner in this town for under ten dollars...well, you can...but you'll just poop it out later.--4th St & 2nd Ave(mother notices toddler's soiled diaper, says something to him, and bends down to pick him up)Toddler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaaiit, can I walk, so my poop doesn't get squashed?--Bedford & 5th20-something guy to friend: You need feces? I can provide!--Broadway & 12thOverheard by: elijah

Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.--Rite Aid, The BronxPunk girl on phone: Hi mom...yeah... Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood... Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!--St. Mark's PlaceRussian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.--Q Train, Kings HighwayOverheard by: RobertDude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.--Martin Luther King High SchoolOverheard by: Susan VolchokGuy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.--Park SlopeFemale suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.--Washington Square ParkWoman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.--1st & 72ndOverheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least

Girl: Imagine if you're fat? You would die.--College of Staten IslandOverheard by: NamelessGirl on cell: I just don't trust her, she's fat. Fat girls always cause problems.--3rd Ave & 40thOverheard by: LizOverweight teen girl to friend: It's like, I'm kind of hungry but like I don't feel like eating anything. (a minute later to cashier) I'll have three bacon cheeseburgers, large fries and a frosty.--Wendy's, Union SquareOverheard by: I was starving and bought less14-year-old girl to group of friends: I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk.--18th St & 2nd AveOverheard by: WillSenior ad exec to junior art designer: What the fuck doesn't this guy understand? The machine literally sucks fat out of your body! So we can't show a girl with a huge ass and huge thighs in the ad! Get it the fuck together!--49th St & 8th AveOverheard by: agree to agree20-something girl: I think I look fat when I don't have armpit hair.--Canal & Mott

Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street.--NoHoOverheard by: me tooMiddle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them!--Dentist Office, Carroll GardensSuit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land!--L TrainGirl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi... (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had...a shitty... experience in Bushwick.--L TrainOverheard by: RebeccaHipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude!--23rd St & 8th StOverheard by: alex

Chunky lady to skinny friend who ordered a Diet Coke: Bitch, I will slap the shit out of you with this pizza...I'll eat it, too. I don't even care.--14th St b/w 3rd & 4th AveWasted guy, placing order: A slice of pizza on the rocks.--1st Ave & 20th StOverweight Paris Hilton wannabe, loudly on cell: No, the food wasn't like, out of this world, like what I'm used to. No...not really. I'd say more like a touch of Greece--with maybe Turkish or Egyptian. I mean, it's almost impossible to find a good slice of pizza in the city nowadays.--Crowded LIRR TrainOverheard by: CVlittle girl to parents: I like mine with salt, pepper and bone.--La Rocca's Pizzaria, Staten IslandOverheard by: Dawn D.Female suit to friends: Oh no, I can't. I save my pizza binge-eating for when I'm drunk.--Ave of the AmericasOverheard by: Duncan PflasterTourist: Oooh, there's a really good pizza place down here somewhere, Sbarro.--Basement, Rockefeller CenterOverheard by: pop popSix-year-old to friends: We should have an Obama pizza party!--Park Slope

Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!--LaGuardia High SchoolTeen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!--Union SquareOverheard by: hairy pink nipplesGirl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!--Bathroom, NYUOverheard by: Trying to pee in peaceRandom girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.--Staten Island FerryOverheard by: NamelessTall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"--Bleecker StOverheard by: Janusz